Saturday, December 7, 2013

I Was Wrong About Being Right

It doesn't satisfy like I thought it would.  It almost never accomplishes what I'm always shooting for: perfection.  Being right at work doesn't magically fix all our broken processes and get folks to do or see things differently.  Being right in relationships does NOT equate to resolution or deeper intimacy.  Being right is just not the reward in and of itself that I've assumed it was my whole life.

 I don't know if it's my highly analytical nature or tendency to trust my own intellect, but I often think I'm right.  Those of you who know me are laughing.  That's fair.  But being "right" carries with it an assumption that the process is over.  Exploration is complete.  Scientific method has been carried out, and observed conclusions backed up by evidence are sound.  The subject is finished.  Other than actual mathematical laws and proven theorems, what ideas, thoughts, emotions are ever over

I've opened up some of the boxes I had neatly wrapped for years: in theology, in love, in self-exploration.  Maybe the process isn't so bad.  Maybe I was wrong about my potential for creativity.  Maybe I was wrong about my potential.  Maybe I've been wrong about everyone's potential.  It's not all science when we're talking about a sovereign God.  I may NEVER get that right.  But that's a big one: People aren't static.  Lives are fluid.  Stories have chapters.  

The open endings are freeing.  God is bigger than my ability and even my desire to be right.  He ALWAYS will be.  Maybe "as far as I know right now" is a really good answer.  Being right for me has always been a crutch that replaced faith.  Why would I need to believe and trust if I could just "figure it out"?  If I haven't always reached a conclusion, then I can join others in the journey.  There are less walls.  Less division.  More conversations.  In the wise words of my husband, "There's no limit to what I don't know."  It was hilarious when he said it, but it's very true.  For all of us.  And that's okay. 

So here's to new things!  I don't know if this is related, but I recently tried out red hair without regret.  Here's to new opportunities, less fear, more conversation, and new goals of unity and love in my pursuit of Truth. 

And let me just add that I was WAY wrong about how hard it would be to jump back on the blogging train after getting back from India.  I think I'm still unpacking some of my thoughts on that experience.  If I bring to completion one of my five drafts going right now, you'll be the first to know.  

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