Confession

Here goes: I suck at hospitality.  And worse, I don't like it.  Even the word makes me uncomfortable.  It's a little shameful for me to admit this, being from the South and all.  We're supposed to be pros.  This was basically bred into me.  But I never caught on.  Or maybe I chose not to?  Either way, what we end up with is a 30-year-old girl who loves Jesus but fails at serving folks warmly.  I love meeting folks, introducing them to others, getting to know them, etc.  But the thought of having them over makes my blood pressure rise.  

In walks my husband.  He's a natural.  Truly, it just flows from him.  He doesn't overthink, underplan, or show the slightest bit of hesitation.  In fact, most of our hosting is his idea.  If not his idea, definitely his undertaking.  It's truly a blessing.  I get to do the "hosting" in terms of keeping conversation up, asking questions, at least offering something to drink.  He's planning the meal, prepping the food, and jumping in with some light-hearted humor here and there.  

I feel guilty.  I can't figure out if I should.  There are some pieces to serving others that I just need to be quicker at JUST DOING, regardless of how I feel.  I know I sound like a child.  I'm a little under-developed in some areas of maturity; it's not news to me.  Throw me a little grace.  Or at least don't voice your judgment.  The words in my head do that enough.  

The beauty (of marriage) is that I'm learning from him.  I'm trying to pick up his best traits.  I keep hoping as I scoot next to the ball of heat he becomes when we're sleeping that he will warm me too.  I want to serve like he does.  I want to do it as simply as he does, no calculation, no keeping track, no counting costs.  The differences that often make us untranslatable to each other are often the ones that create the beautiful balance that we thrive in.  In seeing him strong where I am weak, I get to thank God that we truly are better together than we ever could have been apart.  

I know I didn't really close my thoughts on this with a nicely tied bow, but I'm still ruminating.  And observing.  So I'll awkwardly close the conversation for now...  Feel free to share your observations/similar experiences/gratitude for your differences.